What Do You Dream?
by NeuroticAlyss
Summary: What if things weren't really what they seemed? What if it wasn't as cut and dry as Real and Not Real? And what if Peeta isn't the only one whose memory the Capitol took liberties with? This story takes place directly after Mockingjay. Katniss & Peeta, rated for a reason.
1. When the Mockingjay Wakes

**A/N: So, I should start off saying this is my first fanfiction in almost ten years. I used to write them all the time when I was little (of course, I had NO idea it was called fanfiction then, I just liked to rewrite other people's stories from the way I saw things.) I guess this is where I ask you to not be too harsh, and by that I mean, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is encouraged, immature flaming for reasons that make no sense are not. And to explain, the story I'm developing picks up from the moment Mockingjay ends. The epilogue just wasn't enough. There was so much of a story left to tell.**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, Suzanne Collins, you luck bitch._

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_"You love me. Real or not real?"_

_I tell him, "Real."_

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And then everything went black. There is something so strange about not knowing that you haven't been conscious for any span of time. I had had plenty of experiences with this feeling since the first Games, and every time I hated the feeling afterward.

All at once, everything turned from black to blue. I spent a long time drifting in a sea foam ocean of warmth and soft rocking waves. The water lapped over me, washing away everything that had happened. Then there was peace. I was convinced that this was why the people of District 4 loved water so much. It was a wonderful feeling. I felt a tight prang in my chest. District 4. Annie. Finnick. Poor, poor Annie. Who was left to bring her back when her mind wondered to another world?

Maybe it was better that there was no one left to bring reality crashing down on her. Would she really want to come back now that the love of her life was gone? The Capitol had taken him from her. I had taken him when I drug him into the slaughter that was my fabricated mission to kill Snow. It was my fault.

"Katniss?" The familiarity of the voice seeped into my unconsciousness. It took me a long time to place the voice to a face, much longer than it should have. My mind was moving in slow motion, like a rusty engine trying to turn over. It was a struggle. My head throbbed painfully. "Katniss?"

I felt my brows pull together, but I couldn't muster the strength to open my eyes. They felt glued shut. There was an incredible burning ache running through my entire body. The seconds snailed passed like hours. I was becoming more and more aware. The air around me was a few degrees too cold, but not enough to cause me to shiver.

"Katniss?" The emotion in the voice wrenched at my heart. It was full of uncertainty and sadness. The voice belonged to Peeta.

My eyes shot open. The light that flooded my irises blinded me. I almost slammed my eyes closed again. I couldn't though. I had to fight through the time it took for them to adjust. That was another thing that I noticed that seemed to be harder than usual. After a few moments, I was able to make out Peeta's features. They were still heavily blurred.

"Katniss!" His tone immediately changed, the shock and relief in his voice confused me.

I frowned at him, blinking furiously trying to clear my vision. It did very little to help, but I kept doing it anyway. "Yes, me. Peeta, where am I?"

I pushed myself up and looked down in my lap. White thin sheet, white bedding, white medical bracelets, and uncomfortable hard mattress… I was in the hospital.

Again.

_But why?_

I tried to think back and pinpoint an incident or event that might have landed me here. A hunting accident maybe? I didn't remember anything. As I racked my brain, an explosion detonated behind my eyes, causing my hands to shoot up to my temples and my finger nails to burry themselves in the skin there.

_ Where is the morphling when you need it?_

No trying to remember, at least for the moment.

"Peeta?" I looked at him questioningly once the pain had dulled to manageable. I was relieved to notice that he was less blurry to me now. I could see him much better. I could make out the relief, happiness, and sorrow in his clear blue eyes. Sorrow? Why was sorrow hiding there? "Peeta…what happened? What's wrong?"

"What do you remember?" He answered my question with a question of his own.

Remember? Wasn't that what I just agreed with myself _not_ to do?

I couldn't respond, instead I busied myself with taking in my surroundings. And immediately wished I hadn't. Peeta and I weren't alone in the run-down looking hospital room. My eyes found first my mother, who was staring at me. Her eyes were impossibly wide, and full of disbelief. She looked older, thinner than she had been when I had seen her last in 13. My eyes moved to the only other person in the room. Her small hands wrapped in my mother's, but her eyes were on me. She mirrored every emotion that was currently assaulting me, it seemed.

She couldn't be sitting there, staring at me. I watched her die. I watched her body ignite when the second round of parachutes went off and killed the Capitol children. I watch the parachutes blow her out of my life. It was then that I knew something was terribly wrong. I was dead or dying.

Or I had finally cracked. The Capitol and Coin had stolen the sanity of the Mockingjay.

My throat was dry. It was so dry that her name caught in it, becoming a tangible thing. A lump. Somehow, after all the terrible things I had done, all of the people I had hurt… I still managed to make it back to my little duck. The little piece of me that I could never exist without.

"P-Prim?" I couldn't have stopped the tears if I had tried, so I didn't even bother trying. I launched myself from the bed. Reading my mind, Prim did the same. We collided, tangling each other in our arms and holding on for dear life. My legs refused to hold my weight, so we collapsed to the floor. I could hear Prim's breathy sobs at my ear. The sound broke my heart and made me inexplicably happy simultaneously. Hearing Prim's voice, something I never thought I would experience, for the rest of my days, made me feel like I was alive again.

"I didn't think you were going to wake up!" Prim cried, I was reminded how fragile my little sister was at heart. She was so beautifully pure. I pushed the confusion away for just a few more moments, soaking up the here and now before something come up and ruined it. I stroked Prim's hair. She didn't have it braided back. This was a rare thing for any female Everdeen. We always braided our hair out of our way. Her hair was thick and curly in my fingers. I didn't want this to end, but I turned to Peeta. When our eyes locked, he nodded. I pulled away from Prim gently.

"I watched you die." We all flinched as I said the painful words, looking in Prim's face. I forced myself to harden. I had to hide the vulnerable Katniss, in case this was a Capitol trick. "How are you here?"

"It didn't happen, Katniss." It was my mother who spoke. I glanced at her, but returned my gaze to Prim, who hadn't waivered. Could she be a Capitol mutt, sent to kill me? Could this be Snow's final torture for me? To have my sister kill me?

"What do you mean, it didn't happen?" I said, not at all convinced. I know what I saw. I know what still haunts my nightmares.

"What is the last thing you remember?" Peeta repeated, he had moved from his chair beside the hospital bed. I could feel him behind me, and I wanted to turn and keep him in sight as well, but I was too worried that Prim will morph into something horrendous and decapitate me.

"Putting an arrow in Coin's skull." I lie, not wanting to admit that the last thing I remembered was admitting my love for Peeta. Especially since I'm not sure I can trust him. I felt like I was back in the first Games, only this time… the people I was fighting to return to are the Capitol's traps.

"That never happened." Responded Finnick's voice.

Oh, this wasn't good. Prim and Finnick. Two people I watched die. Finnick walked towards me, leaving a seemingly sober Haymitch standing at the door.

I untangled myself entirely from Prim becoming aware of how bad the situation is going to be when they all converge on me. I don't stand a chance. It was very clever of the Capitol to use the faces of the people I love to break me. I don't know how they managed it; probably the same way they used to dead tributes eyes for the wolf-mutts. The only way the situation would have been worse was if Gale came through the door next. I tried to get to my feet, but they still couldn't hold my weight. Peeta dropped to my aide, but I shoved his hands away from me. My hands groped helplessly at the floor, I looked around frantically for something, anything.

Unable to find anything, I turned my attention back to Finnick. "You," I pointed at him, as if he could possibly be confused about who I was referring to. "You were decapitated by the lizard mutts during my mission to kill Snow. I saw it!"

"Katniss," Peeta said gently. "You never went on any missions. You've been unconscious for eight months."

I turned, frowning at him. "No, I haven't. Peeta, you _know_ I haven't, you were there! The tracker jacker venom must have messed up your memory."

"No, it's not his memory that's messed up, sweetheart. " Haymitch left the doorway and was moving toward me. I noticed something about Haymitch that made my stomach drop, his face was different. There was something missing. The thin white scars from my fingernails tearing down his face were nowhere to be seen. "It's yours."

I just kept shaking my furiously pounding head in denial. This couldn't be right. It had to be a trick. Amidst my head shaking, Peeta had managed to secure my hand in his own. He guided it to the back of my neck. My entire body froze when my fingers came in contact with it. I don't know what _it _was, but I knew it didn't belong there. I gingerly felt it. A small round hole lined in some sort of medal, almost like a….plug.

"You've been dreaming." Peeta said somewhere near my left ear.

My jaw fell and I wasn't entirely sure it managed to stay part of my face. Honestly, that was the least of my worries. I looked hysterically from face to face. Everyone was watching me with a tense look on their faces. I attempted to get to my feet, and this time my legs managed to support me. Good. I started to walk. And I kept walking until the room was behind me and I was in a hallway. The hospital looked very old, not like the one in 13. I had no idea where I was, but I needed to get out of room. I couldn't have the faces of people who I was just coming to terms with losing looking back at me.

After a few feet, I leaned against a wall and slid myself to the ground. My head cradled in my hands, I stared at the cracked tiles and my bare feet. Now I knew how Peeta felt, to have someone go in a rewrite your life. Or did he feel like that at all? Was that all a dream too? I should be happy. If this was true, then people I love weren't dead at all. I should be celebrating, but the shock was too deep… the somber atmosphere made celebration seem wrong.

I heard the footsteps approach me, and felt myself tense. Couldn't they just leave me alone until my mind didn't threaten to kill me? I slightly turned my head and caught sight of his blue eyes. Of course, he could never leave me alone, not by choice. I felt his body lower to sit next to mine. A strong steady arm enveloped me in the warm security of his chest. I felt a bit of the tension ease, and for the first time ever…I let my guard down.

"Peeta, what happened?" I murmured into his chest, wanting nothing more than to cry but my tears hardly ever came when I wanted them to. Only when I had no chance of stopping them.

I felt his breath in my hair when he spoke next, "I'm still figuring that out myself. I need you to tell me what you think happened."

I eyed him warily. "I don't even know where to start. When should I expect things to no longer be real?"

"Think back to the Quarter Quell, do you remember how that ended?" He asked, his voice sounding a thousand miles away.

The Quarter Quell felt like a lifetime ago, but I could remember it very clearly. It was something you didn't have a habit of forgetting. Any time spent in the arena is branded into your brain for the rest of your life. "Beetee sent Johanna and I to run the wire to the water, Johanna attacked me and got the tracker out of my arm… I shot an arrow at the field and it exploded."

Peeta nodded, "After that?"

I winced, revisiting the thought hurt as much as the first time it happened. "They saved me… and left you."

"No," Peeta shook his head, sadly, "I wish that were the case, but the Capitol got us both."

"So then, what happened, after they captured us?" I asked despite my better judgement. But what was I supposed to do? I was going to find out whether or not I wanted to.

"District 13 tried to save us, but only managed to get Finnick and Beetee." Peeta said slowly, I think he was giving me time to let everything sink in. "They managed to get me before they could get you."

I shook my head. I remembered bringing down the Capitol. I was the Mockingjay. Something was eating away at me in the back of my mind. There was something I needed to know. "Is Snow still alive?"

The silence was all the answer I needed. That evil man was alive.

"Coin?" I persisted.

Peeta's eyes were glued to me, darkening with every question. How much of what I thought I had done, had not been done?

"I need to know what you think has happened, Katniss"

I tried to swallow the anxiety the bubbled up my throat at the idea of having to recount every horrible moment. The lump there must have been a brick.

"Alright." I looked around the hall, a part of me desperately searching for an escape, but even if I could find one my legs were weak and unreliable. I couldn't escape."I'm going to need some water."

Peeta nodded, moving to go get one for me. Before he managed to get to his feet, a glass was in front of my face. I looked at the glass, then the hand holding it. I travelled my way up the arm, to the shoulder and finally the face of the person offering me the water. Haymitch. A _sober_ Haymitch.

"Alright, sweetheart, story time."He settled himself on the other side of me.

I told them everything. It took a very long time to tell them. I broke down again, and again. I told them about arriving at District 13. All of its conformity and schedules and how much I hated it. Peeta's cease-fire. I told them about the deal I made with Coin for the victor's immunity. The attack in 8. Everything. My voice was hoarse when I got to Peeta and I's reunion. I couldn't stop though. Now that I had begun, I had to get it all out. I told them about his hijacking. I ran off to 2. The Nut. The mission. It was almost impossible to force the words out as I spoke about the fallen of our Star Squad. Leeg 2, Boggs, Mitchell, Messalla, Jackson, Leeg 1, Castor, Homes…Finnick.

Finnick.

I nearly went into hysterics when I tell them about Finnick. I used every ounce of strength to pull myself back from the ledge that I was dangling dangerously on.

"I- I have to stop for a minute." I stammer, bringing the cool glass to my lips and notice it's shaking. I blame my emotional and physical fatigue on my 8-month coma and silently dare anyone to think otherwise.

Haymitch and Peeta say nothing. They both sit quiet and still as statues as I talk. At times I wonder if they've remembered to continue breathing, or if they've learned to sleep with their eyes open. The three of us sit without speaking for a long while. I haven't seen my family or Finnick since I left the room, though I am sure they must have left at some point. Finnick no doubt shuttled them away to keep them from hearing the nightmarish tale I had to tell. I wondered if later he would make me retell it to him. I pushed the thought away almost immediately. Without question, I could not tell this story again if my life depended on it. It hurt too much.

When I forced myself to continue, it was even harder to make the words leave my throat. I know why. With every spoken word, I'm crawling closer to the one incident that may kill me to revisit. My little duck, my sister, Prim. Somehow I make it there, to that event. I'm standing there after the first round of parachutes detonate and then nothing. The words stop. My mind shuts down and my throat refuses to issue another sound.

"The second round went off." Haymitch says knowingly. It is no question. He can see it in me, they both can.

My head inclines slightly and I fixed my eyes on a speck of dirt on the wall across from us. I had to stare at it intensely to keep the visions from clouding into my mind.

"Katniss…" It's Peeta's voice, but I couldn't look at him in that moment. I am physically unable to turn to look at him, so I continue to stare. "It didn't happen. Prim is fine."

I was vaguely aware that Haymitch said something, but the words don't make sense. I'm busy mulling over the words Peeta has just introduced to me. Repeating them like a mantra. I wanted to spend the rest of my life living by those words.

All at once, I said to the wall, "And then, I shot Coin in the head… and Snow drowned in his own blood. Happily ever after."

There was that silence again, filling up the space around us. Haymitch and Peeta were absorbing ever detail I had just laid out on the table, while I sat desperate and empty. I had just spilt my story and the space I had shoved it into became a gaping hole. I _needed_ something to fill it.

I turned between the two, looking slowly from one to the other. Seam grey eyes, and clear sky blue eyes. "Your turn."

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**A/N: If you like what you've read, or are even remotely intrigued, stick around. There's a long road ahead.**


	2. Remembering

**A/N: I'm really kind of upset that this one ended up being slightly shorter than the first one. There's still a bit of establishing, but the next chapter is gonna take us away from what really happened and open us into some other really interesting things, at least from the way things are going so far. Thanks you everyone who has taken an interest in this story so far! Let me know what you think, suggestions are welcome and if there's anything you really want to see happen, let me know. This ****story is kinda writing itself at this point**.

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They exchanged hesitantly looks, obviously deciding which things they didn't need to tell me. I felt irritation creep up my spine, how could they be thinking about filtering the truth? I had just spilt the entire nightmare I had been living for, apparently, the last eight months. I wanted to yell at them, but I knew I would never manage to muster the strength. I felt so weak and tired, but I knew I wouldn't sleep the same again. Not after being told I was unconscious for over half a year.

"You and I were captured on the same hovercraft." Peeta informed me, scanning the wall for the speck I had been staring at. "When you came to, after the explosion in the arena, you attacked the Peacekeepers. You were screaming. I couldn't make out what you were trying to say. It sounded like 'Kill him,' but I couldn't be sure. They injected you with something and you passed out. I didn't see you conscious again for a long time. Do you remember?"

I shook my head. There was a sharp flame of pain that lapped against my brain. I frowned as I tried to think back to the Quell, ignoring the angry throb was no small task. It was no use. The only thing I could recall was 13's hovercraft and attacking Haymitch.

"So it wasn't you they hijacked." I murmured quietly, the gravity of what had happened was dawning on me. "It was me."

"No!" Haymitch and Peeta chorused, both turning on me.

"You weren't hijacked." Haymitch said as Peeta's eyes turned dark and brooding. "Peeta _was_ hijacked. They did something different to you. Plutarch explained it to us. It was a dream, the things you went through. Everything you remember was influenced by drugs."

I could feel my frown deepen. That wasn't possible. How could I just stay asleep for eight months? I would have woken up.

"They plugged you into a machine that fed you drugs and would tell your brain to respond to the pain in the dream." Peeta said slowly. The emotions on his face were proof enough of the truth in this statement. "They would make me watch it before they started pumping me with the venom."

My mind was still sticking on the word _plugged. _My fingers wondered to the back of my neck, resting lightly on the cool metal there. A jolt of energy raced the length of my spine. I dug my nails into the soft flesh around it. I had the sudden unstoppable urge to rip the plug from my neck. I started yanking at the metal, unaware that Haymitch and Peeta had stopped talking and were watching me.

One minute I was digging my nails under the metal rim, pulling and squeezing my eyes shut against the hot pain that was travelling from the foreign addition to my anatomy, the next moment, both of my arms are in one of Haymitch's hands. I tried to pull away, but he held strong, looking at me with such a confusing expression that I decided to turn to Peeta. His face was tight with apprehension, my stomach started to bubble at his expression so I was forced to return my gaze to my mentor.

"Let me go." I growled, sharply yanking my arms again.

"Stop trying to pull the damn plug out of your head then." Haymitch countered his voice just as much of a growl as mine. "It's made to explode if it's dislodged."

I let my arms go slack and felt myself tense. Of course, did I expect any less from the Capitol? I had an explosive surgically implanted in my head. Fantastic. "Oh." I finally said, lamely. "Got it."

Cautiously Haymitch released me. I kept my hands firmly at my side, now scared to touch the device at the back of my head. The next five minutes were spent once again in silence. I had a million questions in my head and not nearly enough of them were being answered, but I was terrified of the answers I was going to get. Knowing that everything I had lived through recently was a lie, left me scared of what had occurred in the gap. I knew the two of them kept watching me as if I was a time bomb ready to go off, and for all rights, I was thanks to plug.

"Once they started using the venom on me," Peeta continued as if my little outburst didn't happen, "Everything gets a little crazy. I-I tried to kill you when they sent the rescue team in to get us. You and I had cells across from one another. I killed three of District 13's soldiers trying to get to you. I spent half of the time you spent unconscious with doctors trying to help me figure out what was true and what was a lie."

A memory surfaced without warning. A private memory of Peeta's breath, hot on my face and his blue eyes clouded with the intensity of what he was feeling. Lips at my neck, he whispered against my skin. I couldn't hear what he was saying. In fact, I had to try very hard to do anything other than get overwhelmed by everything that was happening to my body. His hands were cradling my hips against his own, as if I might break or evaporate at any moment. He lifted his head, his messy blond curls falling down into his eyes, as he found my face. One of his hands stayed at my hip, holding me to him, the other tangled itself into my hair. His eyes so full of love, I thought my heart might stop. Peeta brought his lips to mine in a light kiss.

When he opened his eyes again and found his voice, it was a whispered question that reached my ears, "Katniss, you love me. Real…Or not real?"

He moved slowly, and pressure was building in my chest. A pressure that I was sure was going to crush me soon. Speaking was incredibly difficult, as I could barely focus on anything other than Peeta's agonizing movements. I was scared to open my mouth, for fear of what would come out. I didn't think I would be capable of managing words, only strange strangled sounds. Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire. The nickname took on a whole new meaning now. I managed a small smile at that thought. My hands fell from Peeta's shoulders, down his back, to his hips. I anchored my fingers there and choked out that word we both needed to hear.

It was a very husky sound that came from my throat, "Real."

I felt the memory of the fire between us climb into my cheeks and spread through my body insanely quickly. It centralized itself in the lower part of my stomach, tingling strongly. I felt electricity race through me from fingertips to toes. I looked away murmuring, "Real."

Peeta wasn't one to miss a beat, "What?"

I shook my head ignoring the pain, the first smile since I had regained consciousness finding its way to my lips. "When…When you were hijacked- in my dream- everyone played a game to help you sort the real memories from the fake ones."

It felt weird referring to what I had lived as a dream, but that was truth I had to learn to come to terms with.

"A game?" He repeated with a look that was only one a Victor would give at the mention of the word. Victors aren't fond of games.

"Sort of," I explained, trying to calm myself so the blush would disappear, but my face only grew hotter. "You would say something and we would respond with real or not real and explain it."

I couldn't stand to explain the memory that brought up our game. Especially not with Haymitch watching me, with far too familiar and knowing eyes trained on me. A subtly smirk playing at his lips, made me aware of how poorly I managed to hide the effect the recollection was having on me.

I mentally shook myself back onto track. I still had questions and even though the hunger in my body was threatening to destroy me, I wanted answers. I had learned to deal with hunger. More than that, I needed to get it through my thick skull that what happened between Peeta and I in my mind hadn't happened. Like everyone was so fond of reminding me, _it wasn't real_.

_Not real, not real, not real. _I was going to have to start playing the game Peeta had been subjected to in my head.

I met Haymitch's eyes after I managed to regain some composure. "So, what happened? You're the only one who managed to make it on the rebel side, it sounds like."

"When we didn't retrieve either of you from the arena, they tried to use Finnick as the face of the rebellion. That was working fine, until he realized what was happening to both of you, and Annie. He shut down and started up a rescue team." He shrugged, and I noticed how gaunt his face looked. The Haymitch in my head always had at least some weight to him. He didn't look like the shell of a man in my head. "Coin wasn't happy, but there wasn't much she could do about it. Finnick was the one who finally managed to pull Peeta off of you during the retrieval."

_Retrieval._

It was a cold word, not at all holding the same meaning as rescue. I could hear the word on Coin's lips. That was when I realized something terrifying.

How had I known about Coin? Shouldn't she just have been part of a dream?

"Wait," I interrupted before he could start speaking again, this question couldn't be left unanswered. "How did _I_ know about Coin? I had never met her."

Peeta and Haymitch exchanged looks again. I don't know if they thought they were being subtle, but it was horribly easy to tell that they were hoping that this was something I wouldn't ask.

"No, you hadn't met her." Haymitch said slowly, careful in the way he approached the next sentence. "The Capitol isn't able to make you dream what they want if they don't make it feel like it would be real. They needed to give you fears, desires, hopes to try to bend you to their will. They had a spy in District 13, they had sent one in before the Quarter Quell. They expected something like what had happened to happen sooner or later."

"It was Plutarch." I don't know how I suddenly knew, but I did. I think all a long it never made sense to me for a Gamemaker to want to help a rebellion. Even if that was only a dream.

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**A/N: Well, well, well. What have we here? Next chapter will be up soon, stick around. **


	3. Welcome Home

**A/N: Okay, I won't lie, this chapter it much slower than it should be, but necessary. A lot of answers are sneaking their way in here and the plot is thickening. Let me know what you think, I like to know what people's thoughts and it helps me figure out how write the best story I am capable of.**

_Disclaimer: I don't own it. I'm just telling my take on it. _

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The truth was I had never really liked Plutarch. I hadn't gone out of my way to hate him, but I had gone far enough to decide he wasn't my favorite person. On instinct I didn't trust him. I'm fairly certain that anyone from any of the Districts naturally had distaste for Capitol bred people. Perhaps it was jealousy, but I always thought it had more to do with lumping them in with the few who made the Capitol the evil place it was. Finding out that I was right in my assumption that he was the spy didn't hurt me. In fact, I wasn't really affected at all. My indifference rattled me a little. The games really had changed me from the girl I was almost two and a half years ago. Putting an actual number on the time spent in the arenas and unconscious didn't ease the anxiety that had nested in my chest.

They took turns explaining why I would know certain things that had actually happened, and why some were just utterly fabricated. Plutarch would report to Snow, telling him what was happening on the rebel end. Snow would then tell his doctors, or scientists depending on how it was looked at, what I needed to dream. Plutarch was wearing a bug on him at all times, recording what was going on around him.

The recording would be used to influence my dreams, like a type of hypnosis. A drug was administered to help my mind create the images that coincided with the audio. Another drug allowed my mind to process the audio. My unconscious combine with a third drug made me place myself in different scenarios and live them out. Certain events were described to me from a script, using the same trio of drugs. My inhibited brain had become the Capitol's shinny new toy. The information was overwhelming. I felt sick.

I thought of Beetee with all of his intelligence and creativity, and then realized that Snow had had an army of Beetees at his disposal. The thought chilled me to my core. How hard could it be for them to figure out how to brainwash an emotionally unstable teenage girl? My hormones alone could brainwash me some days.

I needed to get out, away from all of the reality that was slamming into me every few seconds. It felt like waves during a storm. I found myself worried that one would sweep me away entirely, and I would be swallowed up by the darkest parts of my heart. I needed to hunt, but I knew that wasn't possible right now. Not when I had trouble standing on my own.

"I think that's enough for one day." Peeta said finally, eyeing me with deep concern. The signs of my fatigue had seeped into my features. I could tell by the expression he wore, the muscles in his face drawn and the way he clenched his jaw. "I think we should get you back to bed."

I wanted to argue that I had spent enough time sleeping that I could probably go years without it, and be fine. The words dried up on my tongue though, I was lacking the will to dispute, or was thankful for the promise of time to digest the information that was overloading me. The emotions were at war and I couldn't tell which was closer to winning.

Haymitch and Peeta had pulled me to my feet, much to my chagrin. I hated feeling as weak as my body currently was. Vulnerable Katniss wasn't acceptable. I couldn't be vulnerable when I had people to protect and time to catch up on. I wanted to push away their arms and storm off into some unknown place where I could find a dark, close place to hide. My traitorous legs trembled with every step. I began to worry that something had gone terribly wrong with my body during my time away from it.

I thought they would lead me back into my room, but they led me passed it and continued down the hall. I was happy to be going somewhere other than the hospital room, I had had enough of hospitals too. The white sheets made my mind reel on sight now. The three of us made a slow progression through unfamiliar hallways and down staircases. I didn't recognize anything I was seeing. I vaguely wondered if we were in an old part of 13. I kept returning to the days when we would delve deeper into the ground and find more of the district every time. We had wondered if it ever ended. I was about to ask where we were when we arrived at what looked to be a compartment, not entirely unlike the ones we had been in _before_.

Dim lights lit the small room. I could just make out a two person table off in a corner, two bunks, a sliver of a kitchen, and a foamy-looking chair.

"Welcome home." Prim was bouncing towards me, on the tips of her toes. The smile the decorated her face was genuine and one of the most beautiful things I had seen. Prim very rarely really smiled, but when she did the world stopped to enjoy it. Her small body wrapped around my own.

Haymitch and Peeta released me over to my sister and mother. Peeta's hand lingered on my forearm, as if he were scared to let me go. Who could blame him? I felt like we took turns worrying that one of us was going to spontaneously combust. Perhaps that was why only a handful of the Victor's ever got married. Peeta and I spent so much time expected to see the other die that it was a hard habit to let go. Besides, we weren't out of the woods yet. I still had an explosive implanted in me. Who knew what could set it off?

"We'll come see you tomorrow." Haymitch promised solemnly, more for Peeta's benefit I think. I knew everyone would be watching me, which seemed to be the way my life worked since the first Games. "We should probably take it a little at a time."

That meant there was a lot left for me to catch up on. I was thankful they didn't want to do it all at once. "Ok," I replied simply. I cradled my arms around Prim, as I used to back when we were still in… _District 12._ I felt my heart jump, the words came before I could stop them, "District 12?"

I saw the edge of hope in my voice cut into every person standing in the small room. District 12 was home to all of us. The sudden heaviness of the air was all the answer I really needed. District 12 wasn't just gone in my nightmares. It was gone in reality too.

The last remaining strand of hope that I had unconsciously held, that the demise of my home had been an imagined part of my life, was severed. I nodded at Haymitch to communicate my understanding. It only made sense that our District would be the first casualty. I guess that's why it was so believable to first time. Peeta and I hadn't seeded the idea of a rebellion, but we had set the spark. All a spark needs is room to breathe and it can ignite, and a spark as big as ours created a wildfire.

"Just had to ask." I said simply, trying not to let myself get upset. I had mourned District 12 once. I wasn't up for doing it again.

"'Course, sweetheart." Haymitch said with a half-hearted smile. "I think we all wish we could wake up from a nightmare and see our home in one piece."

All I could do was nod again. He had summed up all of our feelings and neatly packaged it into an uncomplicated sentence. My eyes wondered to Peeta, he was the only other person who could understand how personal the end of District 12 had felt. We both felt responsible for the lives lost. He was wearing the sadness in his eyes.

"Goodnight, Katniss." Haymitch said finally, his hand on Peeta's shoulder, leading him out of the room. The door closed behind them, leaving me alone with my family for the first time since I had woken.

Prim, who was still in my arms, had seemingly grown overnight. The truth was very different of course, but to my mind, she had shot up from the tiny child she once was. My little sister was becoming a woman and I wasn't ready for it. Prim had never had any weight on her, but now she was filling into her own body. Standing, Prim was the same height as I was. Before long, she would surpass me if she kept growing. I wondered if she _would_ keep growing, I hadn't grown since I was 14.

When she looked up at me I could see the little girl in her fading. She was made to grow up so fast, but she had held onto her innocence. The world was on its way to changing her, and my little duck was flying out of my grasp. Her long wavy blonde hair was no longer two braids. It flowed beautifully down her back in soft hills.

Something furry and warm pressed against me. I looked down to see ugly yellow eyes staring at me reproachfully. Buttercup, the ugliest cat on the planet had survived both in my imagined world and in reality. Why did this not surprise me? I could hardly stay alive in either, but the damn cat still had at least 5 lives left. He hissed at me until I moved away from Prim. The moment there was space between us, he wrapped himself in her lap. She stroked him absently, as she watched me.

"We've missed you, Katniss." Her voice was quiet, but I could hear all of the emotion behind it. She was trying very hard not to cry. I glanced at my mother, but the way she was staring at me made me angry and I didn't have the energy to yell at her for breaking down again. "They told us there was next to no chance for you to come back. We couldn't figure out what drugs they used on you."

I didn't like the seriousness that had settled in her features. I managed a something that I hope closely related to a smile, "I guess the odds are in my favor."

The mock of the Capitol accent slipped unintentionally into my voice. Prim smiled a little at that.

"I'm glad they were." She said, she was still petting Buttercup, and I found myself wondering if I had made the Crazy Cat game up, or if he would lose his mind chasing a beam from a flashlight. It was an irrational thought, but it was the easiest curiosity I had had all day. I wasn't worried about the answer I would get. Either way I wouldn't be upset, I didn't care enough for it to bother me.

Without saying a word, my mother stood and came over to me. She pulled me into her arms and held me with surprising strength, or maybe it was just because I felt so weak. Anger flared inside me at first, but as she clung to me it began to fade. My mother wasn't the strongest person in the world, but I had come to realize that the beautiful innocence that was in Prim had come from her. I returned her hug. When she noticed that I had wrapped my own arms around her, she whispered to me, "I love you, Katniss."

I was speechless. My mom and I weren't exactly close. Our relationship since my father had died had always been rocky at best. I couldn't remember the last time either of us had said we loved the other, but I suppose this was one of the times it was deemed appropriate.

"I love you too, Mom." The words sounded foreign on my tongue, but I embraced them and knew they were truth. Regardless of our differences and her irresponsibility, she was still my mother.

There wasn't much speaking after that. It wasn't an awkward silence either. It was the kind of silence in which we sat and enjoyed just being in a place that we never thought we'd be able to return to. Our company was all we needed. Eventually my mother, Prim and Buttercup fell asleep together on the lower bunk, while I lay on the top bunk staring at the cement ceiling. Sleep had been a problem for me for a long time, now was no exception.

I couldn't escape the feeling of being trapped, even now that I was seemingly free of the coma and more importantly the responsibility of leading a rebellion. I was still stuck within four cement walls, with no way to escape. I _really _needed to get enough strength back to hunt, or at least stand on my own two legs. I felt my heart slamming into my ribs. I should have been used to this now as this had been what my heart was doing since I had woken. With nothing but the darkness to keep me distracted, I was feeling it more urgently than I had previously.

Time sluggishly ticked by. After what I guessed had been around three hours, I could hear Prim's content sighs that she emitted only when she was having a good dream. I only knew this because the handful of times she ever had a good dream, she had told me upon waking up. They were so rare that in a few cases, she would shake me awake to tell them to me before they faded from her memory. I think she thought if she told me, they would be concreted into something tangible. The sound of her happy breaths lulled me to sleep. This time it was real sleep, without any dreams. Just calming darkness, for once, nothing malevolent was hiding in the shadows.

I woke before anyone else in the room. Even Buttercup was still hunkered down under Prim's arm, snoozing away. His ear twitched agitatedly every few seconds and the occasional aggressive twitch of his tail informed me that he wasn't far from consciousness.

I had rolled over to the edge of the bed, peeking at my mother and sister. I wanted to get up, but I knew that was impossible. My mother had once said that if a man was in a coma for 7 days, it would take him 7 months to recover fully. She had taken care of a miner who had been in the accident that had killed my father, and he had lived in a delusional dreamland for a month after he came out of his coma. I vaguely wondered if this was my delusional dreamland, because there was no way I could just _wake up_ the way I did. I tried very hard not to think too hard on it. It wouldn't do me any good right now anyway.

It was at least another hour before Prim began to stir. I didn't have any idea how long I had been out, so I couldn't figure out what time it was. She got out of bed slowly, trying not to disturb Buttercup or our mother. She peered up at me with large eyes.

"You're awake." She said quietly, I nodded. "Did you sleep at all?"

"Yeah, a little." I told her.

She looked relieved at my reply."Good. Time for us to get your medicine in you."

I frowned at Prim, confusion obviously getting the better of me, "What medicine?"

"We've been giving you medicine while you were out. Its stuff the Capitol designed to help bring the mentally disoriented back to their right mind. They got it when they stole medicine during your rescue. It helped bring Peeta back."

She pulled a case of pills from the cabinet above the kitchenette.

"Sometimes, after they got you away from the Capitol, you would stand up and walk around the room." She busied her hands as she talked. The look in her eyes was a haunted one. "We thought you were awake, but you don't remember it do you?"

I shook my head and she handed me two pills.

"I didn't think so." Prim handed me a cup of water. "You weren't there. The look in your eyes was a million miles away. You weren't really seeing, but we let you get up and walk around anyway. It made sure muscle atrophy would keep you stuck in bed. "

I couldn't seem to find my voice, so I popped the pills into my mouth and took a gulp of water. I knew better than to deny Capitol medicine. It was almost always a borderline cure-all.

Prim continued, "We used this stuff on a solider that had been shot in the head. He was in a coma for about 6 months and it took him about a month to recover. The Capitol's medicine really is amazing. It was so selfish of them to keep it hidden away like they did, while so many people were in need."

"It's the Capitol, Prim." I murmured finally, I was all too away of their selfish and evil ways, "They send children to slaughter every year."

She nodded, her eyes looking pained. "I know."

"So where did they move us to?" I asked randomly, looking around the room. "I don't think I've been to this part of 13 before."

Prim looked at me curiously, she bit her bottom lip before she responded, "Katniss…We _aren't_ in District 13."

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**A/N: This is only the beginning. Read on.**


	4. Refuge

**A/N: Okay, so you know how I said that this chapter we would be past the whole establishing thing? We're still establishing. Someone who is reading this prior to me putting it up demanded answers before the story progresses. Originally this chapter was headed an entirely different direction, but wound up like this, because well... it was the best way to explain stuff. If you think some stuff is vague, it's probably intentional, but let me know. **

_Disclaimer: I don't own it. Because if I did, there would be at least two more books._**  
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I stared at my sister stupidly for a few moments while I tried to force my mind to process the words.

"Then what district are we in?" I found myself asking.

"We aren't in a District. We aren't in Panem." She responded, very slowly.

_We aren't in Panem. _

_ We aren't in…_

_ Panem._

"W-where are we, if we aren't in Panem?" I was still concerned with wrapping my head around the idea of not being in Panem. That seemed so impossible. Panem is all any of us ever knew. There wasn't anywhere outside of it, was there?

Prim turned away from me, she was busy pulling food out of cabinets and off of shelves. She was quiet for a while, and I allowed her to do whatever it was she was doing. The silence allowed me time to process everything. I was still reeling. This seemed much heavier than anything else I had been told thus far. A place outside of Panem, a simple thought completely changed everything.

"Panem is a lot smaller part of the world than the Capitol wanted us to think." Prim said finally, turning back to me and handing over a roll with a thick layer of goat cheese spread on it. I took the food hastily becoming aware of how hungry I was. At the first bite I was transported back to the morning before the reaping of the first Games. The Games that set everything into motion. For a moment, I was at Gale and I's spot. Everything was on some level uncomplicated. I savored the concreteness of the memory. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it had happened, that it was real.

I waited for her to say more, but she said nothing. Her eyes trained on the lower bunk. Our mother was awake. I wasn't sure why she was reluctant to say anything in front of her. Prim had always been much more truthful to our mother than I had been. I knew she couldn't hear certain things. My guess was Prim had figured this out the hard way.

Prim launched into chatter about how happy she was that we were all together and out of harm's way. She told me that Lady had had kids. That told me that Lady was alive, this bit of information gave me an odd sense of happiness. She continued to babble on. I was listening, but none of what she was saying now was anchoring into my head.

After a while of continuing on like this, our mother left the room. She told us she was headed to work, but supplied no information beyond just that. I didn't ask about it either. Inside I wanted to scream at them to stop hiding things from me, even though I knew Prim was bound to fill me in. If it were up to my mother, she would treat me with extreme caution for the remainder of my natural life. Even with the Capitol drugs to help me get back to my normal self, she would still act as though I had had severe head trauma. She would worry that anything could overload my brain and send me back into a coma. A part of me wondered if she viewed me as dead now. A walking, talking corpse.

Prim fell quiet again after our mother was gone. The drastic change in her bothered me. It reminded me of myself. She was doing with our mother exactly what I had done with her, drowning out the bad to avoid the worry transferring to someone else. Her slender shoulder sagged just a little more. Her eyes found mine, and she began to speak again.

"We're out of reach of the Capitol." She began her words thoughtful. "The Districts that make Panem were the places that survived the best. They keep us fenced in because nature had taken the world back. People used to have too much control over everything, now its nature that controls. Some of us went off into the wild when we realized there was a place to run off to. For a while, we were just wanderers. And then we found the ruins of a city from before."

'From before' meant, before mankind endangered one another with war after bloody war. Before those who came before us ruined the planet we were to inherit. Apparently the creation of the Capitol, with all of its regulating of goods had kept the population curved enough that nature could regain its strength.

"We don't really have a name for this place. Some of us call it the Refuge." Prim said as she sat in a wooden chair. "But that's just our nickname for it."

As the meaning of what she was telling me started to sink in, I felt my heart lift. No more Capitol, no more confinement in the Districts. It was the only reason I had been given to hope in a long time. For once, I saw the possibility of a future that I didn't dread. That was something to be excited about, but looking at Prim I knew there was something else, something bad.

"What is it?" I asked her swallowing a mouthful of bread.

"The Capitol won't come after us, because they're busy warring with District 13. And District 13 wasn't too happy with us. After the rescue, a group of us took off with you and Peeta. Coin is furious that Fennick is gone. They might come after us."

I nodded. There it was. Coin would come after us or Snow would. For the first time since waking up, I wanted my imagined world to be the real world. At least in that would Coin and Snow were dead, but so were Fennick and Prim. Let Coin and Snow live. And let them come. I'd survived them before. If I couldn't a second time, I would do everything in my power to save everyone else. I would take Coin and Snow down with me if I had too.

There was a knock at the door and both Prim and I jumped causing Buttercup to hiss. Prim was up and opened the door before I could react. It was Peeta, Haymitch was nowhere in sight. I couldn't stop myself from feeling relieved. I knew it wasn't fair to still be distrusting of Haymitch, but I couldn't get past what he had done to us. He had been our mentor and he had been manipulating us as pawn in Coin's Game.

Clearly everyone had realized that Coin was no better than Snow. There was a chance that it could have been a made up version of District 13's president, but I was willing to bet there was truth to it with the way Prim spoke. Not to mention the fact that rebels had run off into the wild rather than staying in the District. I was curious to know if District 13's conformity and schedules were actually how they functioned or if it was imagined. I wondered if the food was bland and harshly monitored by height, weight, and physical output.

"Hey." Peeta said, smiling at me but his eyes were assessing me. He was checking to see if I had had any lapse in health.

"Hey." I responded, pushing a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "Prim was filling me in where 'here' is."

Peeta nodded, exchanging a look with Prim, who shrugged in return. Annoyance sparked in the pit of my stomach. Just because I was in a coma for 8 months didn't mean I was blind, or stupid. I could see them trying to communicate without me seeing them do it.

"I still have eyes, you know." My voice was cool as the words left my lips.

Peeta laughed. "There's the girl on fire."

I glared at him, not thinking it was funny, "I'm tired of you all trying to censor things. I just want to know what happened while I was out."

"And you will, but Katniss, we don't want to throw it all in your face at once." Peeta walked over to the bunk and put his hand on my arm. I watched it suspiciously.

"How are your episodes?" I asked and instantly wanted to take the words back. Hurt exploded in Peeta's eyes and he flinched away from me. What was I doing? Where was this irrational anger coming from? And why was I taking it out on Peeta, who had suffered with me through the Capitol's tortures? This wasn't his fault. "I'm sorry…I didn-"

He gave me a half-hearted smile. "No, it's okay. I understand, trust me. They haven't been coming nearly as often now. The medicine has helped a lot. I haven't had one in about four months. It's like I can feel them before they happen now. Being able to know the memories aren't real helps."

An uncomfortable silence fell between the three of us. I felt terrible for what I had said to him. Peeta however seemed mostly unfazed, aside from the damage that lingered in his eyes. It was fading slowly. Buttercup jumped down from the bed he was curled on, and weaved himself between Peeta's legs. Peeta idly ran a hand along the animal's back. I had to be the only person that cat didn't like.

"Prim?" He said finally, glancing at her. She nodded a silent response. Before I could begin to get riled about them keeping things from me again, she danced over to me.

"I have to go," She said, taking my hands in her own. Hers were still so much smaller than mine were. "But I'll be back before long. You take it easy for a little while, ok?"

My little duck wasn't so little anymore. It was hard for me to accept, but everything she did was proving it to me. She left, turning to look at me one last time before she shut the door behind her. Now it was just Peeta and I. Our eyes locked, and neither of us moved for a while. Eventually, I pulled myself to the edge of the bed.

"Katniss…" I heard him say, but I ignored it.

I pulled myself off the bed.

"Don't!"

My feet supported my body for a moment, just as they had when I launched my across the hospital room to get to Prim. And then they gave out. I braced myself for the impact of the concrete floor, but the blow never came.

I felt something warm and sturdy pressing tightly against my body, holding me steady. I looked up and was greeted by Peeta's blue eyes. He was watching me, worry in place of the hurt that I had caused only moments ago. His arms were wrapped tight around my waist. He held me against him as though I was about to slip through his hands and shatter on the floor. I looked away from his eyes, ashamed that this was how he was seeing me now. My eyes fell down to his neck, then his shoulders.

He perfectly matched my memories. The broadness of his shoulders, I remembered my hands wrapping around them and my fingers digging in. A thrill of electricity shot down my spine to the pit of my stomach. The electricity ushered fluttering spasms there. The heat from his body radiated into my own, dragging me deeper into the memory of him. I felt my cheeks getting hot, and hoped they weren't flushed.

"Are you ok?" He asked, the vibrations of his voice, pulsing against me. My hands had unconsciously landed on Peeta's forearms. The muscles rippled under his skin.

I nodded, murmuring, "Thank you."

Peeta shrugged, "It was my turn."

There was something about his smile that roused a tidal wave of emotions inside of me. This wasn't like me. Peeta's eyes never left mine. I became aware of our proximity. Our faces were only inches apart. My heart slammed into my ribcage. Nervous? Why was I nervous?

"Peeta?" The words were barely audible and I wasn't sure what I was intending to say.

Peeta didn't allow me time to come up with something else to say. Without warning, he brought his lips to mine. The electricity erupted again. This wasn't like the kisses on our tour; it was like the kiss on the beach. The hunger began to well up inside me. The kiss wasn't like I was used to from Peeta. There was anger and passion. There was fear behind it.

He pushed me against a wall, pinning me there. I didn't fight him, I yielded to his touch. I thought he might accidently suffocate me before he finally broke away. He rested his forehead against mine, his hot breath fanning my face with labored breathing.

"Stay with me." He whispered, his eyebrows pulled in a frown of concentration.

I nodded, between gasps choking out the word, "_Always_."

Another of my millions of questions answered. Was my love for Peeta only a dream?

No. Dreams are seeded in very real desires, hopes, and fears. Though your mind may twist your dreams, there are some things

that shine through.

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**A/N: I'm excited for the next chapter. Things are being set into motion. So, yeah. Tell me whatcha think.**


	5. Freedom

**A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long! Without going into detail, let me just say that working 60 hours and finding time to be a good godmother and friend AND get your car fixed makes finding time to sleep hard, let alone sitting down to write. But I did it :) Just took a little longer than usual. SO, the cast is almost all in. Well at least for the moment. This is more Katniss insight as she recovers from the aftereffects of her coma. The Capitol medicine as according to Collins is borderline magical, so I'm expecting to do more physical stuff really soon. Originally I was just going to have her wake up and get to it, but the logical/medical part of my brain was not having it. Besides, cripple Katniss is a good humbling experience for everything she's been through. Anyway, enough prattle. READ. :)**

_Disclaimer: Does not own. Storyline is just my take on how things should go!_

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The Hunger Games have a way of teaching you about yourself. It brings out the true people we are. I never realized prior to the Games how little I knew about myself. The Games force you to think in ways you never thought you'd be capable of. You like to hope you'd react in a way that follows your morals, but there isn't a guarantee. You become far more aware of the person you really are when the hard decisions come. I had somehow made it out of two Hunger Games. Hypothetically, this meant that I was practically a master of knowing-thyself.

_Hypothetically._

I had come to terms with that fact that my endless questions may not all get answered. I had to learn to live in a here and now, and not let that gaping hole devour me alive. Eight months was a long time, but spending a lifetime wanting to live in those months…to experience what everyone else did, and wash away the lies that had been planted was no way to live either. I didn't want my life to be absorbed with that task. There were other things I needed to focus on… My family, the Capitol, the Presidents, Peeta…_and where the hell was Gale?_

I had been awake for almost a week before I could really walk without assistance. Even then it was like when we had watched Haymitch stumble from his room and to the couch on a particularly bad day. I had spent a long time trying not to accidentally overdose myself on the medicine Prim religiously fed me at first. My mind would get hazy at times, to a terrifying extent. There were times that I swore I was still in the dreams.

I hadn't seen Peeta much after our real reunion. Prim had brought a wheelchair from wherever it was she took to disappearing to everyday. She forced me into the chair and wheeled me out of the building that our room was housed in. As it turns out, the building we were in was a sort of bomb shelter previously constructed before the war destroyed the people who it was intended for, along with everything else. From the outside, it reminded me of the skeleton of a prison. I stared at the grey worn bricks. There were visible cracks in the mortar, but the building held strong.

The sun on my skin for the first time set off a tidal wave of emotions inside of me. Had I been the Katniss from before, I would have never thought twice about seeing the sun. I would have taken it for granted. But I was the Katniss that had been trapped too many times in the Capitol's grasp. I had come to terms with leaving in fear or hiding for the rest of my natural life, however long it may be. That had meant I would never enjoy the sun in freedom again. I would spend all of my time worrying that at any time an army would come crashing down to crush me.

I made Prim help me to my feet on the road that had once been beautifully paved with dark asphalt. Standing with the crumbling, stony material just under the bottoms of my boot was a splendid feeling. The uneven, yet hard consistency of the gravelly road reminded me of the main roads of District 12. I inhaled as deeply as my lungs would allow. The air felt cool, crisp, and sweet in my lungs. Everywhere I looked there was green to meet my eyes. Nature had taken every man-made thing and covered it in life. Ivy climbed across the face of the building we had just exited.

I remembered stories of the Cities from before. When our ancestors had been arrogant and infected the world so bad they nearly killed it. I couldn't imagine what the world would be like if nature hadn't won that war. This was not one of those Cities. This was more like a town or village. The buildings were no more than two stories high and those were far and few between. Some of the buildings were obviously beyond repair, but there were a few that looked salvageable.

I tilted my head up to look at the sky when the incredible heat of sunlight vanished from my skin. The trees were impossibly tall, at least two or three times taller than any tree I had ever seen. They must have been exceptionally old. Those with leaves had wide thick ones. Others had arm upon arm of prickly needles covering them like a fur coat. This little place would be next to impossible to spot through all the vegetation. It was paradise, a refuge, a new beginning… it was freedom.

The tears fell without warning. I was shocked to feel the first warm stream race the peak of my cheek. My tears always came at the most bizarre times. Prim, who was slipping sideways glances at me, shifted my weight onto one of her arms so the other could find my hand. Her fingers entangled with mine as realization dawned on me. Freedom. It was achievable. After so much time spent knowing you were in a cage no matter where you were. Even District 13 had been a prison, with boundaries and those telling you how you were allowed to live…and when. They determined when you ate, exercised, worked, and slept. An incredible weight lifted, but not the dread. The selfish part of me would be focused on regaining my strength to hunt and begin building a life, one free of Hunger Games and restrictions. But that part of me was drowning in reality.

The likelihood of any of us living in bliss for more than a year, maybe two was very small and getting smaller every minute. There was only one option. I needed to get better. I needed to be ready for the presidents when they decided to try to steal away this freedom. That is exactly what I intended. I looked at Prim, who was still clutching my hand, she still held sweet innocence, but there was a seriousness there that mirrored my own.

She knew what I knew. She knew the only way to actually keep freedom was to get rid of those who help to keep us all caged. She knew the world would never be perfect, but as long as those with the will to do wrong were in power, we would all be slaves to them. What kind of a life was that to live? It wasn't, we would all be better off dead than to go back to a life of Districts and Games.

Besides, for us, there was no going back even if we chose to. The Capitol would make examples out of us and now that Coin realized we couldn't be controlled, the only use we were to her was as martyrs. She would orchestrate our deaths in such a way to make us heroes that the Capitol had destroyed or fools who believed their lies. From any angle, we were expendable to both sides. We were pawns to move them towards a goal.

Prim took me outside every day. I began to notice how much life there was in this place. Many of us lived out of the bomb shelter. It was only one level above ground, but there were two others underneath. I was glad that we were on the level above. The underground levels reminded me too much of District 13. After the sixth day, Prim let me walk instead of taking the chair. The medicine had helped immensely, but there was still weakness in my muscles that protested when I moved. My body ached when I woke up. The pain was reassuring though, I could feel my own reconstruction.

Prim took me to see Lady. They were housed in construct that must have been put up after the rebels had chosen this place to settle. It was a crude, but complexly designed building. The kids were far older than I had expected when Prim had told me about them. I had expected them to be clumsy on their newly found legs, but these creatures chased one another gracefully as they played. Prim was clearly attached to each of them, having named them. And just like Lady and Buttercup, they loved her. The goats weren't the only things that were kept in the building. There were chickens, and wild turkeys, as well as deer and even a cow and bull.

When Prim left to go work at the clinic that my mother had set up for the Refuge, I sat on the ground outside of the barn and took in the village that was still being born before me. None of the people looked familiar as I still found myself expecting. I tried not to let my mind wonder off into the memories of my dreams. The minute I ventured there, the questions began to burn incessantly.

I stared up at the leaves, wishing with every fiber of my being that I could just wonder off into the woods and hunt. I just wanted my body to fall into the familiar stalk and crouch I had trained myself to feel so natural in. Anything to keep myself thinking of something effortlessly. Hunting was just about the only thing that felt comfortable or safe. I watched a group of man emerge from the thick copse of trees in the distance where the village didn't seem to extend to yet.

Even though I could barely see them, and while I was fighting the latent panic that was beginning its way up my spine, _I saw him_.

Had I not spent many years hunting with him, I would not have been able to be as sure as I was that it was him. But I knew it was him. There was no second guessing or doubt to be found in me. I struggled to get to my feet. I wanted to run to him, to hug him and say that I was so glad that he wasn't hurt or dead. I needed to see him. There was no way I could do anything that I wanted to, so instead I forced myself to walk in the direction of the group of men. They were so far away I was sure it would take me forever to get to them, if my legs didn't betray me first. But I was determined that I was going to reach him.

A part of me wondered if he was able to sense me, because just as he was about to enter another building, one that echoed the design of the bomb shelter, he turned and locked eyes with me. There was still at least a fifty yards between us, but he knew it was me just as I had known it was him. He ran to me. Before I could blink, he was standing in front of me. He looked taller than I had remembered, but just as lean. He had stopped when he was about five feet away and stared, unabashed.

"Katniss, is that really you?" Gale's voice hadn't changed one bit. And either had the hardness that hid behind his eyes as it had in my dreams. I ignored the subtle drop in my stomach at the anger that he had buried from most of the world. The anger I could always sense, even when he thought it was so well masked.

I tried to speak, but my words caught and became a lump. There were so many things I thought I knew, which of them still held? Eventually I managed a nod.

"You woke up!" The relief in his voice made me feel better. He wrapped his arms around me. "Thank God, you woke up!"

I could feel my heart twist at his words. Something about the way he spoke and clutched on to me made me realize that there was very little I could ever do to make Gale stop loving me. I pushed away the thoughts as they came. I had to stop thinking these things.

"Where have you been?" My words had finally returned, and without warning. I hadn't even thought of the question, it had just materialized on my lips of its own volition.

"What do you know about… everything?" He asked, releasing me from his grasp. I watched him warily. This was exactly what I had been trying to avoid. Wallowing in the thought of how much of my life had been a lie.

"I don't even know what I know for sure, Gale." I sighed. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I was scared if I did, he would run off to some faraway place and I would never see him again, much like had happened _before_.

"We were off in District 13, trying to convince others to leave." He said simply, his eyes were sizing me up. He could tell I was worse for the wear. I'm sure he could see my legs shaking from the strain of keeping my body upright.

"And Coin just let you walk in and try to convince her citizens to go rogue?" I highly doubted that was how it had happened at all.

Gale smirked at me. Clearly he was happy to see that I was still myself at heart, or some variation of myself at least. He shook his head, and the smirk vanished as quickly as it had appeared. "Coin didn't even know we were there."

"She didn't know or you think she didn't know?" I asked, remembering all too well that the Presidents had a way of knowing things that were impossible for them to know. It was like what Snow had done with the rose in my room in Victor's Village.

"She didn't know." He informed me confidently. "We made sure of it."

I nodded, staying quiet to give myself time to think about what I had just been told. Gale was even thinking along the same lines as me, and we hadn't even consciously been in the same general area for well over a year.

"Katniss…" Gale said after my silence had overtaken the space between us.

I looked at him, waiting for him to say more, but nothing came. "What?"

"I'm glad to see you awake." He reached out his arm, as if meaning to touch me, but retracted it quickly. It dropped pointlessly to his side. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again. Not awake at least."

"I was never much for sleeping. Too many bad dreams." I replied lamely. My limbs beginning to tremor with more ferocity. I wasn't going to able to keep holding myself up. As I realized it, my knees shook dangerously.

Gale saw this and smiled sadly at me. I hated it. I wanted to tell him to keep his pity for someone who wanted it, but speaking didn't seem wise. "Katnip, you need to lie down."

I glared at him, but he let the look slide off his back as he stooped to lift me in his arms. The noise that escaped me sounded like one of Buttercup's hisses. "PUT ME DOWN!"

Gale rolled his gray eyes at me and smiled, "No deal."

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**A/N: Leave it to Gale to make a late appearance. Oh, and sorry for the ending. I know it's abrupt and not at all like the others, but it's 3 in the morning and I really wanted to get the other chapter up for y'all. Besides, who doesn't like getting frustrated with chapter that end mid-flow every once in a while? So talk to me. I need opinions. **


	6. Realization

**A/N: Friendly suggestion, if you ever think of having two jobs (one full-time 40+ hours and one part-time 15-10+ hours), raise two baby sugar gliders, try to maintain a relationship, occasionally babysit, AND think you'll have the free time to write… I'll just go ahead and let you know, it doesn't really work. This fic is literally getting written piece by piece when my coworkers aren't looking, so I apologize that it's been taking so long for chapters! Anyway, that is neither here nor there. ON WITH THE FIC!**

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_"I wonder how she'll make up her mind."  
"Oh, that I do know. Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she can't survive without"_

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I was beginning to accustom myself to the whispers of my dreams that bubbled up in my head. It wasn't to say that it had become any less unnerving to remember things that you knew weren't real, but still your brain tries to convince you to believe. I hated dreaming, dreaded it even. Most people hate nightmares because of the irrational fear that fill them. I hated dreams and nightmares alike. When I woke from them I fell into a kind of shock and nearly drowned in the confusion that rattled inside of me. The dreams that seemed to haunt me the most involved those closest to me. Peeta, Gale, Prim, and Finnick, they all were there in my head for very different reason s.

It had been three weeks since I had woken up. Prim spent every free moment with me, helping me whenever she could. Not once did she relent or get frustrated when I had days of horrible depression. I would become unmovable. I would lay on the bed and refuse to do anything other than stare off, not allowing my mind to think. I would fall into a state of indifference. I didn't exist in those moments.

Prim would fill silences by talking to me about the things I had missed in her life. I felt guilt welling its way up in my chest. My desire to have been there with her through those months was overwhelming. Every time I travelled down that treacherous train of thought, anger burned in my gut at the Capitol and Coin.

Prim told me about the decision to leave District 13, Gale and Finnick had both come to her and our mother. She had been for the escape without any persuasion. That made me proud to hear. I hadn't expected that from my little duck, she had always been so full of caution. Our mother coincided, but only after much convincing. She hadn't ever lived a life of luxury, but a life in the wilderness was absolutely terrifying to her…even more than the Games.

Once they had everyone on board, the preparation had been subtle. Since District 13 was as strict with their previsions as I had dreamed, they couldn't chance taking food. The only things they took were those they could easily conceal and medicines. They left at night when everyone was asleep. The guys had found a blind spot in Coin's security.

I had been the only problem. It was hard to transport an unconscious girl with an unpredictable tendency to hop up and waltz around for no good reason. It was difficult for them all, slowed them down considerably. Prim didn't tell me any of this, but it was there hidden deep in her eyes. She hid it as far as she could, but it was there. Any Victor would naturally think of it, instantly. The choice would have been an obvious one: they should have left me behind. Prim wouldn't have stood for it, even now with all the harsh reality causing her to grow up.

Gale and Finnick had managed to teach as many people as they could to hunt and fish. Our mother and Prim, along with a few orderlies and doctors who decided to leave 13, taught anyone and everyone about medicinal herbs and basic wound care. The Refuge had started an undercover farm a mile away. They planted intermittently to make it hard to tell it was manmade. There were small cottages being built in the trees. Everything was very basic, much like a more primitive District 12. This could very easily be my heaven.

In the time Prim spent with me, she was effectively teaching me how to function again. Whenever I felt especially disheartened, she would launch into a speech of how long it would take to recover without the Capitol's medicine. At first, it made me appreciate the few things I could manage, but after the first week when she started the speech, I had to grit my teeth to avoid snapping at her in annoyance. By the end of third week, I was able to walk normally without feeling weak or disoriented. My stamina was completely gone, but I was able to wonder around the Refuge without a chaperone.

The alone time did me good. I needed to become familiar with myself all over again. It still felt as though the Katniss I was in my dreams was an entirely different person. Maybe it was the way I saw myself, or maybe that was the way I really was when all of my justifications and bias were stripped away. Either way, I spent most of my time in the woods where I felt most at home. These woods were filled with Mockingjays, I frequently caught glimpses of their familiar wings as they flitted around happily calling to one another. Most of my afternoons were spent singing to them and listening as they called back to me.

I started climbing again. I wasn't going high, because my arms and legs were still weak and clumsy. I could feel that reflexes I had built into my muscles over the years of hunting. They were just out of reach. I would have to work on getting my strength back, and then I could get back into the comfortable habits I had. And maybe then they would let me hunt again.

I nestled on one of the lower branches of one of my favorite trees. It was a very old tree, just like all of the trees around it, but this one was wider than it was tall. It had many low thick branches and knots that made it ideal for climbing. Broad feathery leaves kept me out of sight, which made it even more comfortable for me. I avoided everyone that wasn't Prim in the weeks that I was trying to relearn how to walk and function. Even Peeta. I still hadn't seen him since our kiss, though it was all I thought about. My stomach did the strangest thing whenever I thought of the kiss. I felt pure electricity run through me and concentrate into a ball of energy in my gut.

Gale hadn't really said much to me when he had brought my back to our apartment. We had talked, but nothing about what happened during the eight months I was unconscious and he didn't want to talk about District 12. Instead we reminisced on our days hunting, which eventually got to me badly enough that I had to stop myself from thinking about it. An uncomfortable silence filled the space between us, until Prim came bustling in and shooed Gale away. He didn't come to visit the next day, and that was okay with me. The same way that Haymitch and Peeta hadn't. Prim said it was their ways of give me time to come to terms with everything that was attacking me from all angles.

As for Johanna and Beetee, I hadn't seen them since I had woken up and no one was saying anything. So I had no way of knowing if they were still alive or not. The truth was it was one of the things I was scared to ask about. Peeta had said that they had saved Beetee, but since I hadn't seen him, I couldn't be sure. Prim was the only person who I knew how to feel about. A part of me was angry with Haymitch and Gale. In my mind they had both still wronged me. Haymitch's offenses had begun long before my dream-reality. Gale's offenses were another matter. I blamed him—in part-for Prim's death, but Prim was clearly alive. So Gale hadn't helped orchestrate an attack that subsequently wound up killing my sister, but still I felt wary of him. And of course Peeta, I was waiting for the one day in my life when I knew how to feel about Peeta Mellark.

I was singing a song that I had created for the memory of my father. It only seemed right that a song be dedicated to him, the way he loved to sing. I had never sung this song for anyone; it remained between me and my father, wherever he was. Besides, I always felt irrationally silly anytime I tried to share it with Prim. The mockingjay's returned my ballad in their beautiful chorus of heavenly voices. I closed my eyes and sang.

"Your voice is just as beautiful as I remember."

I nearly fell out of the tree my body jerked so violently. It took me a moment to locate the source of the voice. And then I saw him, standing below the tree staring up at me with his clear blue eyes.

"Peeta?" I wasn't sure that it was possible for him to have found me, especially without me hearing him. He always made so much noise when he moved through the woods.

"I looked everywhere for you." He said, still looking up at me. His eyes were soft, his face kind. This was my boy with bread. There was no sign of the Capitol's hijacked version of him. "I don't know why I didn't think to start out here. It only makes sense."

I edged myself off of the branch. A whirl of excitement sparked in my belly as I dropped to the ground. When my feet hit the ground I could feel the sting shoot up my legs. I welcomed the throbbing feeling. Anything was better than the constant burning ache of my muscles. "Is everything ok?"

I knew everything was fine, but I wasn't sure what else to say. I felt like the mockingjays had stolen my voice. My tongue was dry and kept sticking to the roof of my mouth.

He released a breath from behind his lips as they stretched into a smile. "You have no idea how good it is to see you up."

I didn't know if he meant awake, or standing up. I didn't bother to ask. "It's good to be up."

"How do you feel?" There was an obvious tension between us. It saturated the air between us. Peeta took a few tentative steps towards me, closing some of the space between us. His eyes were so gentle, but I could see that they were still guarded. He was gauging how I would take his advance.

"Better than I was." I said simply, and it was true.

He smiled, "Good."

"So, what now?" The words shocked me, I hadn't been aware of them. They took me by surprise.

Uncertainty clouded Peeta's features almost instantly.

"They'll come for us, the Capitol or 13." I informed him with a startling amount of conviction. "I know you all have to know that. It's not like they won't have noticed that we've vanished."

"I know." Peeta said quietly, doubt turning to a much darker emotion. "Now we prepare."

"Prepare for what?" I couldn't see what we could do to change things. Maybe it was just having lived through a hypothetical version of what it would take to bring down the Capitol, and even then, a new President had taken place. Where there was absolute power and those who sought it, corruption would inevitably follow.

The only way I could surmise to change anything for the better, was to keep any one person from holding too much power over the rest.

He replied as though it was obvious, "For them to try to find us, and to fight them if they do."

"Fight them? With what exactly? Sticks and stones?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Peeta could sell our star-crossed lovers story to an entire nation, but I didn't for a moment believe any amount of training we did would give us even a slight chance to survive the Capitol if they came crashing down on us.

He eyed me for a moment, clearly not pleased with my response. "Katniss, that doesn't sound anything like you."

"And since when have you been a professional on things I do and do not say, Peeta?" I snapped, before I could control my thoughts. "There is no winning. Not since the day Effie pulled our names for the Hunger Games."

And that was when it really dawned on me, when the words spilled out of my mouth and became real as they touched the air. Freedom was just an outdated ideal that we were all hopelessly pining after. Chills ran through me, making me feel ill to my stomach. Our entire lives were basically just a much longer version of the Games, only in that version…there was no Victor.

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**A/N: And so the plot thickens! Katniss is up and about! FINALLY. Now the real fun begins. **


	7. Dreams

**A/N: SOO. I just got back from Otakon (Well, technically I got back on Sunday, but I was unconscious most of the time after that) which was a blast. I actually saw a girl dressed up as Katniss, believe it or not. And an Effie which was too cool. I couldn't get pictures of them though. I was really upset about that. Thanks again everyone who has given this fic a chance, and please stick around. I have no intentions of abandoning it any time soon :) ****  
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**Disclaimer: I own nothing. You know who does.  
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I could see him. Even though my mind refused to believe what it was being told, my eyes were seeing him.

Peeta… and _Snow._

The name was even a hiss in my mind now. It had become some unspeakable swear. A dirty word I wouldn't even breathe in the worst rage. Snow had his arms twisted around Peeta, holding him as a human shield over his body. I couldn't let Snow have him. Not again. I wouldn't just stand there and watch the President take him away from me again.

I took a step towards them, becoming more aware of my body in that moment. All of the muscles in my body were coiled tight. I could feel tension holding me taut and ready to strike. Snow's snake eyes were on me, steady and cold. I could feel the bow bend in my hand, my shoulder strained from the weight of the draw. I could see that the tip of my arrow would slam into Snow's unblinking eye when I released it, but something kept me from letting the arrow fly. If I was off, even by a millimeter, it would be Peeta's intense blue eye that my arrow found a home in. What would I do if my aim proved untrue? Could I live with myself knowing I had killed the boy who had saved my life, more times then I cared to think about? A part of my mind said there was more than a debt I owed to him, but I pushed that thought away.

I concentrated on the President, my breathing, and my aim. If I killed Peeta, Snow would never be able to hurt him again. If I killed Snow, he would never hurt anyone again. Still I found myself unable to release my arrow. I dropped my bow, arrow still strung in it, to the ground. I couldn't do it. People would continue to suffer and die, because I couldn't chance killing a boy. One who I had been told I would have to kill to stay alive and yet still, I had managed to survive and Peeta was by my side.

I kicked the bow out of my reach, raising my hands in surrender. I had to have known this was the only way it could ever end. It wasn't that I couldn't kill. I had killed in the Games. I could kill strangers without guilt. I couldn't kill people I knew. I stared at my bow as my mind comprehended the events I could expect in my near future. Watching Peeta die was the worst recurring thought.

When my eyes returned to Peeta and then to Snow, I realized that the President had turned into a giant snake. His body was wrapped around Peeta, his eyes unchanged as he unhinged his new reptile jaw to sink long blood soaked fangs into Peeta's neck. I drew a breath to scream. I tried to launch myself to the bow. My mind trained only on killing the thought of stopping Snow before I watched Peeta die.

I heard bone cracking against sharp bone.

I smelt blood saturate the air.

My body came off the bed, a scream slicing its way from my throat and flooding the small apartment. I was on my feet, my eyes wide open. My brain was unable to register anything for several moments after I had realized what had happened.

It was a dream.

The first dream I had had since waking from the coma. There was one thing I was certain of as my eyes fell on my sister and mother who were huddled in the corner of their bunk looking terrified, the Presidents were coming for us.

All of us.

I murmured an apology to them, and grabbed my boots before quickly evacuating the room. Neither of them stopped me. I padded barefoot down the hall a few feet, before I chanced stopping to put my boots on. An echo of weakness still hid in my muscles and bones. My body was constantly in more pain than I thought I would ever experience. Recently I had spent time in the Clinic, allowing the nurses to do all manners of strange things to help rebuild my muscles further. Half of the things they did seemed to have nothing to do with my muscles at all, but after about a week of the treatments I was feel more normal. I let my feet take control as my mind lingered on the dream. I felt horrified and angry.

It wasn't until I was standing in from of the door that I noticed where I had ended up. I wasn't at all surprised. I knocked on the door before the logical part of my mind propelled me in the opposite direction.

Peeta answered the door almost immediately.

I stood staring at him for a moment without saying a word. His chest was bare showing how skinny he still was. Muscle rippled pronouncedly under his skin with every movement, I noticed for what felt like the first time. His shoulders were broad, and the arms attached to them were well defined from the work he was doing to help build throughout the Refuge. The boy might not have been very useful where hunting was concerned, but his artistic ability mixed with his raw brute strength made him a damn good architect.

His hair was a complete wreck, sticking in all directions. I could tell he slept about as soundly as I. Subconsciously, I ran a hand through the giant knot that was, in its previous life, my braid. Peeta mirrored my movement with his own hair before rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Concern prominently replaced the sleep. I suddenly remembered I had no idea what time it was. Instantly I felt ashamed of myself for coming here.

"What's wrong, Katniss?" His arm began to lift. I glanced at it in time to see his muscles tense through his entire body. It was almost like watching the rippling of water. The arm returned rigidly to his side. I recognized the strain, in the dream Peeta had been attacked with fits from being hijacked, and once he had learned to control it, that unease had been how he contained the fits.

I shook my head, unable to make the right words climb up my throat. "I shouldn't have come, I'm sorry."

I spun on my heels and began my retreat. Peeta grabbed my wrist tightly in his hand, holding me in place, effectively thwarting my escape attempt. "No. What's wrong?"

I froze. My eyes stared blindly at a wall. "I should have listened to you."

"What?" He tugged on my wrist, trying to turn me to face him. I stubbornly remained rooted to the spot, facing away from him. I was sure if I turned to look at him, the storm of emotions inside of me would break free. "Listened to me when?"

"You asked for a ceasefire with the Capitol." The words tumbled out faster than I could catch them. "We should have listened."

I turned to look him in the eyes. He was staring at me with the most intense look I had ever seen buried in those eyes of his.

"Katniss, I _never_ said that." He replied simply.

I nodded, "You did in the dream."

He pulled me closer to him, putting his hands on my shoulders. "It wasn't real."

"But you were right." I insisted. The dream was filling my head, and my emotions were at full-blown war with one another. A part of me wanted to fight for freedom at all costs, and the other part was realizing how much the cost would be. To fight for freedom was to put a target over the hearts of everyone I loved. If they died it would be because of me, I wasn't sure I could handle the weight of that responsibility.

"It wasn't me who said those things," He murmured, as he tugged me closer to his chest. Normally, in the right frame of mind, I would have fought against him. I was far from the right frame of mind. I let him hold me tight against his broad bare chest, letting the warmth of his skin sink into my own. I sucked in a breath and could taste fresh bread in the air. The boy with the bread, it only made sense that the smell be a part of him. Without letting my mind get in the way, I wrapped my arms around Peeta. "The Capitol wants you to lose hope. They want you to give up. Don't give up, girl on fire."

His fingers were under my chin, tilting my head up. The position gave his lips better access to mine. I felt my stomach flutter in a sweet thrill of emotion. My stomach was in my throat, and my eyes were stuck on his lips. We had kissed before, but this was different. There was a tension between us. I parted my lips at some point, letting a sigh of air slip through. I could feel Peeta's warm breath fan across my face. I tore my eyes from his lips and brought them up to his eyes.

His pupils were dilated, dark and stormy.

Suddenly they contracted to a pinpoint before dilating again rapidly.

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**A/N: I love cliffhangers 3 Sorry it's so short!**


	8. Together

**A/N: **FINALLY. I got a chance to sit down and write this chapter. I'm having so much trouble writing all the stuff up to what's about to happen. I'm excited. But that's what upset me about Mockingjay, so yes, there is some serious building happening.

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Disclaimer: I own nothiiinnngggg.

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Peeta's grasp tightened on my chin until I was sure he was about to rip my bottom jaw completely off of my head. The pads of his fingers changed a delightful tickling roughness, to sandpaper threatening to scrape the skin covering my jawbone.

"Peeta." His name was a desperate gasp on my lips. I felt a stream of cold rush through my body, my muscles ached from the sudden icy sensation. I knew that wherever this was going was not good. I squinted at his eyes, which were wild with rage. They were no longer the soft blue that pulled at my chest. He looked like a rabid animal. There was no sign of humanity in him. "P-Peeta."

I was pleading as I repeated his name, hoping something sunk in and kept him from trying to snap my neck. My arms, which up until now were around his body, were pushing ruthlessly at his ribs. I was forcing my body away from him with all the strength my body contained. His strength was staggering. Clearly, all of the side-effects of his hi-jacking were not gone. I clutched at his wrists, digging my nails into his skin. "Please, Peeta. This isn't you."

As suddenly as the episode had begun, it was over. His arms went slack as though they had been held up by invisible strings that had been cut. I put what space between us I could. I was worried what he would do if the fit wasn't completely over. I was panting, but my lungs weren't out of breath. It was the idea of being able to take in air without fear lingering over me. I watched Peeta warily as realization sunk into his features.

His clear blue eyes had returned and now they fell on me with shame in them. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…Katniss, you know I wouldn't…"

His voice was hoarse, almost desperate as he spoke.

I composed myself, and inched back to him cautiously and against my better judgment. "I know." My arms were around him, holding him to me. "I know, Peeta."

We were both so broken, left to pick up the pieces… all because the Capitol never believed in something pure. Granted, I had had my reasoning for wanting to convince Panem that I was in love with this boy from my district. Now I found that there was something that lay behind wanting to convince the world of something I had thought to be a ruse as much as Snow.

Peeta collapsed to his knees. I tried to hold him up, but the dead weight of his body drug me down with him. I wasn't about to let him go. His head was buried in my chest, and my arms wrapped around his head as I held him. In that moment, the world stopped mattering. There were no Presidents, no Peacekeepers…No Hunger Games. There were just two lost kids, trying to make sense out of what we had lived through. We sat there folded into each other's arms, knowing this was the only time we could ever let our vulnerabilities show. We were the only people in this world who could share our demons without fear or shame. The silence that grew between us was a comfortable one. It was security and reassurance. Neither of us was alone. Whatever happened—whatever the Capitol did to us—we would drag one another through it. We would survive.

"Katniss—" His voice was soft, almost inaudible, his head turning up, his eyes searching.

I felt my head tilt slightly to the side, curious.

"We're not going to let them win." There was ferocity in his voice, a strength and violence that caused my heart to flutter.

It was a few moments before I could find my voice to respond. "Together?"

"Together." He nodded.

When our eyes locked again, I could read everything Peeta was feeling as easily as words on a page. That was something I only shared with Gale and Cinna up until now. Ever since I had woken up I wondered silently if Cinna had survived the Capitol, but the idea of finding out what I already knew made my stomach ill. Peeta frowned slightly as his eyes searched mine. He had been intent moments before, but the minute my mind wondered he had known I had gone somewhere I would not allow him to follow. I cleared my mind and focused on keeping my gaze concentrated.

Peeta stood and pushed back the door, and silently offered me entrance. I nodded in reply and got to my feet. His apartment was much like my own; the only difference was instead of the bunks that were placed against the far wall of the apartment, there was a single bed. The bed was a bit larger than the one Prim and I shared, I assumed it was intended for Peeta and someone else. The thought caused a sharp prang in my chest. I could feel my fingers shaking from the idea of him with someone else. A part of my scoffed at my childishness, was I really allowing jealousy to invade my senses?

Yes. Yes, I was.

Before my brain and my mind had a moment to talk to one another about the emotions that were taking hold of me, I spun on my heels and took two steps back to Peeta. He had his back turned to me as he shut the door, when he turned back I threw my arms around his neck, pulling my body onto the tips of my toes. My lips crashed into his. I felt him inhale in surprise, but I refused to let him go. He melted into the heat of the kiss after he accepted what was happening as reality. His lips were warm and rough against mine, I felt his hot breathe tickle my face. My eyes fluttered shut. There it was, the feeling I felt on beach during the Quell. My fingers danced from his neck to bury themselves in his hair.

His arms were no longer idly at his side, but latched around my waist, pulling my closer to him. I want to say something. I want to tell him something, but when I tried to muster the strength to think about pulling free, his teeth nip at my bottom lip. I gasped like I had no air in my lungs. I forgot what it was that I wanted to say. Besides, I was never very good at saying something. I felt a live current climb my spine.

I bit my lip to quell the protest that tore at my chest when he pulled away from the embrace. His eyes were clouded with an intense emotion that made me stomach clench. "We're not going to let them win. We're stronger than them."

Those words reminded me of Gale. He had said something every similar to me when I had been reaped before the first Games. Gale, who had been my best friend for years and I had hunted with every day. Things were so complicated now. I still didn't have the courage to face my emotions. How ridiculous was that? I had been thrown into the arena twice. I had survived twice. By all rights, nothing in the world should have scared me. But facing all the emotions and thoughts I was constantly pushing to the back of my mind was a terrifying idea.

I glanced up through my eyelashes at Peeta as I reminded myself where I currently was. My thoughts were dreadfully out of place here. Peeta was intently watching me. He had that protective look in his eyes that he had adorned when we found out about the Quarter Quell. The look gave me chills. I hadn't gotten used to the predatory part of Peeta that the Capitol's hijacking had awoken.

I nodded almost absently in response to what he had said. "Do you mind… if I stay?"

A smile erupted across his face, a real smile. It reminded me of how beautiful his smile really was. It had been a long time since I had seen his genuine smile. The ache in my chest informed me that I had sorely missed that small gesture.

"I would never mind you staying with me."

His smile was infectious. I found myself grinning back at him. My cheeks ached at the movement. Clearly, smiling wasn't something I had been doing a lot of.

Peeta drank in my smile, his pupils widely dilated. "Katniss, you have the greatest smile."

I pulled myself out of his grasp, needing space to steady myself. My face flushed at his compliment. I was terrible at accepting compliments.

"It's your fault." I accused, not entirely sure if what I just said made sense, so I tried to explain. "I saw you smiling and it just… made me have to smile."

His smile widened. "Good."

He walked over to the bed and dropped onto it. He patted the space next to him, so I sat beside him. There was something so nice about sitting with Peeta. He knew that I was there for a reason, judging by the way he glanced at me, he knew it was the dreams. We both had them. All the Victors did. It came with the territory. He didn't ask me what they were about. He didn't have to. He knew, the same way I knew what he dreamed about. The only difference was he let his dreams out on the canvas. I buried mine as deeply within myself as I could.

"Yeah." I said, tension blooming in my body.

I dropped my torso, so that I was lying flat on the bed, staring up at the cement ceiling. There were hairline cracks everywhere showing how old the structure was. Peeta moved to lie next to me, keeping space between us. I turned my head to look at him. He was staring at the ceiling, seemingly studying it.

"Will you sing for me?" He asked quietly. His voice was so faint I hadn't been sure I had actually heart it. I stayed quiet for a few moments, my eyes still on Peeta. He turned his head to watch me. There was faint worry in his eyes. I could tell he was wondering if what he had said was wrong.

I drew in a deep breath and turned my eyes back to the ceiling. Slowly, quietly, I began to sing. I sang the first song that came to mind. It was the song I always sung to Prim. The song I had sung to rue as she lay dying in my arms. His warm hand snuck its way under to entangle with mine. I squeezed his hand, hoping he understood it was reassurance for both of us. I continued singing song after song. It wasn't until a wave of exhaustion crashed into me before I stopped singing. I fell back asleep with Peeta's hand still trapped in my own.

"Katniss."

I heard his voice, but the sweet nothingness that was surrounding me was just too wonderful to budge from.

"Katniss!"

As much as I didn't want to wake up, as rare as sleep was, I sat directly up. I hated the way my heart always raced when I first woke up. Until I was able to process my surroundings, I was always in survival mode. It's a hard habit to break. Peeta, who was well aware of my tendencies, was standing a few feet from the bed, looking ready to dodge anything I could throw at him. That caused me to grin as my brain caught up.

"I'm awake." I announced lamely to him, flipping my legs over the side of the bed. He must have moved me so I was actually lying in the bed. When I had fallen asleep, they were still hanging off the edge.

"Good." He handed me a jacket that look very similar to my father's hunting coat. "I have a place I want to show you."

I put on the jacket and uneasily stood up. My legs were still a little weak at times. "Okay, lead the way."

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**A/N: **Review! Thank youu :) Oh and if anyone was wondering, yes...this did get re-uploaded. The first one was messy.


	9. Nadya

**A/N: I just wanted to take the time to say, I have not forgotten about this fic! I wound up taking part in NaNoWriMo and I won. 51,021 words in twenty-six days! I feel pretty great about it, but unfortunately that meant having to let this story fall to the wayside for a little while. NO LONGER. I am back and ready to write! :) **

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**I own nothing. **

**Enjoy!  
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The world felt like it was constantly changing. Every day I was rediscovering a part of me I knew was there, but I hadn't been able to reach. I stayed only a few steps behind Peeta, but I let my eyes wonder to the sights of the Refuge. It was a past time I had become very fond of lately. I had a new found love of my senses. The longer I was awake, the harder it was to remember everything I had thought had happened. Like a normal dream, the fabricated events were beginning to fade to nothingness. The only trouble was, there was nothing to replace the memories that had been supplied from my dreams. I was starting to notice the lack of anything I could remember in the 8 month gape. A part of me worried that I would realize soon just how long that 8 month coma had been.

I held on to the fact that I could remember everything from the Quell and before. It was only when I thought back to the hovercraft coming to collect us that things began to get blurry. The blur was accompanied with a splitting pain that threatened to consume my entire brain. I shook my head, willing myself not to go delving into the dark parts of my mind. I needed to focus on the here and now. Not the past.

I almost collided with Peeta before I realized that he had stopped. I had been focusing intensely on a tree to my left. It was one of the largest trees I had seen since being away. It was larger, in fact, than any tree I had seen. I silently wondered how old that tree had to have been. I wondered how much it had lived through.

Peeta turned, his stormy eyes watching me tentatively. I wasn't sure why, and I didn't feel like trying to figure it out right now. I looked around us, but saw nothing other than the fact that we were no longer in the Refuge. We weren't terribly far away from it either. I could hear people in the distance, the hustle and bustle of people building. I scanned the area, trying to figure out why we had stopped.

That was when I saw her. She was perched up in a tree in front of Peeta. Her clothes were neutral, obviously worn. Her hair was pulled back. There was a coat of dirt on her skin that kept the redness of her skin muted. She was a hunter, without question. She was poised on the limb of the tree like an animal. Her weight balanced on the balls of her feet, knees drawn to her shoulders. The girl's hands were in front of her, holding the branch and her back was hunched so she was able to keep her head low. She reminded me of Buttercup just before he attacked a mouse. Reflexively I grabbed for a bow and arrow that I didn't have with me.

My arms dropped awkwardly to my sides as I realized what I was doing. "Who is she?"

"Our trainer." Peeta responded, waving to the wildling. "She's been teaching some of us how to fight."

I couldn't believe was I was hearing. The girl in front of me couldn't have been older than myself. The idea of her training anyone to fight seemed ridiculous. Especially if I was half convinced I could take her in my weakened state.

"I've brought you another student." Peeta called, it was soft, but Nadya heard him. She dropped to the ground so quickly I wasn't sure if she had jumped or fallen. If she _did_ fall, she had managed to land on her feet. It was going to take much more than that to convince me she wasn't just plain old hunter, like me. "Nadya," Peeta began, and I could hear the amount of respect and a subtle hint of fear in his voice. "This is Katniss."

"The Mockingjay." I could hear the affliction in her voice. She had a Capitol accent. My hand moved to my bow again.

"You're from the Capitol." A look from Peeta had my hand moving away from my bow, but I was on high alert. At any moment I expected Peacekeepers to come out of nowhere and snatch us up. Perhaps it was because that's what seemed to keep happening to me.

Nadya smiled, but there was bitterness to it. It did not reach her eyes, which were hard like a hunter's. "I was born there, but I'm not from there."

"Yeah?" I didn't trust the girl, even though there was a ring of truth to what she was saying. I hadn't come across anyone that was from the Capitol who didn't boast the fact, unless they were a rebel, of course.

"My mother was an Avox." Nadya said. I could hear her trying to break her accent. "She escaped with me, and they killed her."

I flinched. The Capitol's cruelty always had a way of hitting me. It seemed that no one was spared it. There was a high probability that Nadya had watched Peacekeepers torture her mother before she had her tongue removed. I remember the Avox boy that I had watched get speared by the Hovercraft. He had been Capitol born, he was trying to escape. I always suspected that if you were a member of the Capitol, you _had_ to play up how great they were. It was the same way I had learned not to say what I really thought when I was in my house in the Victor Village. They were always watching.

"How you know they killed her?" The words were hash as they tumbled passed my lips. I heard the sharp intake of breath from Peeta, who was no doubt looking at me as if I was insane. Maybe I was. It was getting harder and harder to tell at this point. I didn't have to turn my head to know that his eyes were still trying to burrow holes into me. I could almost hear his thoughts. He was debating whether or not it was a good idea to bring me here.

"They shot her with the grappling hook." Nadya informed me, her voice completely devoid of any emotion. It was as if we were talking about something she was indifferent to. "I saw it pierce her chest and her face as they hoisted her back into the Hovercraft. She was dead before they got her into the plane."

I was surprised Peeta didn't tackle me when I spoke again, "How did you survive all by yourself?"

Her smile was a knowing one. It was just a subtle curve of the lips. It was strange how white her teeth still were in contrast to the thick coat of dirty that was settled on her skin. "I wasn't by myself. There are plenty of us that don't live in Panem."

This was news to me. Before the Refuge I had never even fathomed that anything had existed outside of the Districts and the Capitol. I guess you only ever know what you are told. That wasn't entirely true either. I knew that there had been land beyond the Districts, but the Capitol made it clear that the wildlife had reclaimed it. Those lands were incredibly deadly, full of mutts and wicked beasts that had naturally evolved to endure their new terrain and predators.

"So where are they?" I was full of questions. Most of them buzzing like little alarms around my head.

"They don't trust the Refuge." It was Peeta who answered this question.

"Why do you trust them, then?" I asked completely baffled.

He shrugged, "They've let us live here, even though it is within their territory. They helped us when we first got here. Nadya is their ambassador, so to speak. She came to us when we first got here and brought as food. She helped to teach us to build homes and reconstruct the buildings that were already here. She started our gardens and gave us our animals. We owe them."

"What is this, Peeta?" I asked him quietly. Had he really drug me out of bed for this?

"A citizen army against the Capitol." Nadya confirmed.

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**A/N: So, this chapter was incredibly short and not much happened but meeting Nadya and now we know what the Refuge is up to. But does anyone think a handful of Rebels can go against the Capitol and even D13? I'm just sayin**'.** Oh, and at least now you know this thing isn't dead ;) **


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